The First Of Many To Come.

Okay so I've decided to start this blog to have my own place to vent and to get some stuff off my chest. So for starters this is my blog, there will be a lot of me venting, I'm sure some of my blogs won't be pleasant but this is my place to get everything off my chest, with no regrets and no repercussions. So in saying that, if you don't want to read what I have to say, you know where to exit! I didn't create this blog for sympathy or a hand out. I've created this blog to help me clear my head and to get some much needed stress off my chest. I seem to be able to just let my feelings and thoughts go when I'm typing or when I decide to write. So what better way to do it then this!

 So I'm just going to start for a minute then I'm off to bed. The past few months have taken a toll on me that's for sure. Shawn and I moved, lost our amazing friend and old neighbor Kylle back in March. And of course that hit me really hard. And my Egg and Uterus donor and I have been fighting for months. Well she decided to take it too far, and now she is out of my life for good. But I'll talk about that in another blog. Maybe tomorrows. 

Well as most of you know around the end of August 2010, I made one of the biggest decisions of my life. I decided to quit my good paying job, Shawn and I gave up our own apartment, and we decided as a married couple to move back to Elko, Nevada so that I could go back to school. It took a lot of sleepless night and a lot of tears, but both Shawn and I agreed that it would be a great thing. I would finally be able to do something that I've wanted to do for a long time. So I gave up my job, Shawn got a transfer with his job. We packed up our home, and left Salt Lake City, Utah. Leaving behind a lot of family, friends, and everything else you could imagine, so that we could live in my dads spare trailer, and I can could back to school. Well I had plans of starting College the beginning of 2011. And what a surprise, things haven't started off as planned. It has been one set back after another. I've had too much time to talk myself out of it, then talk myself back into it and so on! Well now as I sit here tonight, I'm proud to say that I will be starting my journey into college starting Fall Semester! I just have a few loose ends to tie up and then this girl will be a College student! I've decided to Major in Human Services, working with people with drug problems. It's a 2 year program to get my Associates Degree. I'm stoked. I'm hoping one day it will lead to something on the lines of A&E's show Intervention. So please wish me luck! Because for the first little while I'm sure I'm going to need it! Out of everybody in my family the only person to go to college has been my dad. So I want to be the first to Graduate besides him. Just for once in my life want to hear and know that someone is proud of me. I want someone to say they look up to me. I just want to know that I'm doing the right thing for once in my life. I Don't think that's too much to ask for. So lets begin this journey and pray that I get all the things I've asked for! I know I haven't been the easiest person to be proud of and to love. But I've given my all. And if that's not good enough for anyone then I don't think I'll ever be good enough. So I'll throw up deuces and walk away.. Well I've got Shawn waiting on me to go to bed, so I guess I better start wrapping this up!  So if you've mad it this far, I want to personally Thank You for reading what I have to say, It means a lot to me. 

I really want to say a big Thank You to my husband Shawn. We have been together a little over 3 years now, and married for almost 2. I can't believe it will be 2 years on July 4th. It's gone by too fast. And I know this sounds so cliché but seriously if it wasn't for Shawn, I have no idea where I'd be today. He came into my life when I was at my lowest, and needed that one special person in my life to help me out of this black hole that seemed to consume me. I was right there on the edge of giving up on myself, and then here came Shawn. I decided to lay everything out on the table and told him from day 1 that, These are my problems, this is what I'm going through, If you don't want to stand by my side and love me for me, and help me help myself. Then I'm not the girl for you. Well that was 3 years ago and here I stand probably the happiest I've ever been. Now don't get me wrong, It's a battle everyday within myself to get out of bed, to love myself, to try and convince myself that today will be better then yesterday. But I have Shawn to help me through it! Shawn is my rock, my heart & soul. Without him I don't know what I would do. Yes we have our fights, and it takes me a few days to calm down. But in those few day of me cooling off, he has NEVER walked out on me. I'm sure he's wanted to our thought about it. And I'm sure certain people wish he would. BUT GUESS WHAT?? HE'S STILL HERE AND SO AM I. SO GET USED TO IT, BECAUSE IT ISN'T CHANGING ANYTIME SOON.. I Love You Babe. Thank You for being you, for never giving up on me and for loving me unconditionally. I know I'm not perfect, but you still manage to dig deep inside me everyday to see the woman that's been hiding for so long. You still tell me everyday that You Love Me, That I'm Beautiful. I wish I could see through your eyes to see what it is you see in me. Hopefully one day I can love myself as much as you love me..

Well I've managed to upset myself, and the tears are flowing. So I think I'm going to end this blog for tonight. And again I Thank those of you whom are still reading this.. 

Signed With Love, ღ Tiffany ღ